Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Randomize
