Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
