I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
