oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
