I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
