Can i not drive my cunt home
never play flip cup with pint glasses
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
