Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
