I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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