Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
