Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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