Where is the hickey?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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