dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
