the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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