im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
