i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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