I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
