Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
