Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
