i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Randomize
