My brain says no but my pants say off.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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