Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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