you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
