how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
ugly people sure do ruin things
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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