she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
