This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
