I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
