i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
