1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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