On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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