everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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