Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
