We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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