considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize