I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
