My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
