Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
