Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
