someone threw a dead crab at me
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
