I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
