It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
