Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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