I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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