he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
