i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
