he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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