I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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