I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize