member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
