Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
