A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
