Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i would punch a child for taco bell
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I did not marry a roomba.
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