I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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