Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
