I'm really into asian looking animals
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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