You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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