did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
