Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize