we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
