fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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