You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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