she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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