Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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