you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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