Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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