I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
