there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
