Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
