We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
