It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
