I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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