I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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