You're a womanizer and a bitch.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize