I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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