well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
