So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
