i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
