Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
