While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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