someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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