dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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