You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
