I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
