Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize