eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
