I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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