you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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