It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
foreskin is a definite game changer
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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