Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
