mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Randomize
