Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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