we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize